The Story Behind the Song
Some songs are written to impress. Others are written because you don't know how else to survive what you're feeling.
This one belongs to the second category.
I wrote it in the aftermath of my divorce: anger, guilt, confusion, and the feeling that I had failed. Not just at a marriage, but as a partner, and more painfully, as a father.
"When something you try to protect with everything you have falls apart, it leaves a mark."
I was angry at myself for not being able to make it work. Angry at a situation slipping out of my control. Underneath that was guilt toward my kids: the fear that my choices would shape their lives in ways I couldn't undo.
A lot of people know this space. Waking up with a knot in your stomach. Feeling like rest equals failure. Functioning on the outside, empty once the noise fades. Not because you're weak. Because you care deeply.
"Regret is loud when the world goes quiet."
I kept replaying the same thoughts, the same blame, the same what-ifs, trying to fix the past instead of understand it. Clarity didn't come gently. It came honestly. During a psilocybin experience, something I don't talk about lightly, I was confronted with truths I'd avoided for years. No excuses. No shortcuts.
"I didn't lose myself overnight. I slowly gave pieces of myself away."
I'd spent years shrinking. Adapting. Putting my passions aside, letting other people's expectations set my boundaries. Not because I was weak, but because I wanted peace.
Choosing myself didn't mean walking away from my kids or my responsibilities. It meant showing up honestly. I picked up the parts of myself I'd pushed aside: music, creativity, passion. My circle got smaller, but deeper.
"I'm not fixed. But I am better."
Better Than Before isn't a victory lap. It's acceptance. Things broke, and instead of denying that, I chose to build again.
If you're carrying guilt, anger, or expectations that were never truly yours, this song is for you. You're allowed to let go. Sometimes better doesn't mean healed. Sometimes it just means less heavy than yesterday.
Better Than Before reached #1 on the iTunes Country charts in Peru, Costa Rica and Brazil, charted across Europe, Asia and South America, and passed 100,000 streams in its first six weeks, with no label behind it.
